Necesito un bicicleta! And other discoveries

The store offered pedal bicycles, motorbikes, and costumes ranging from campy to exotic. In order to get your motorcycle endorsement, you had to demonstrate in front of everyone in the store you can pee into an 1-inch wide diameter hole in the floor without spilling, guy or girl. I, already having my MC, am grandfathered in, so the dealer let me test drive a gyroscopic bike with ergonomic handles to navigate through the test field. Everyone spoke Spanish fluently.

This is what I was dreaming before I woke up around 3am covered in sweat, a sign my illness has finally broken.

Yep, your girl has been down and out for the last four days. Normally emboldened with the strength of a draught horse, two times a year I fall into a bad all-over body invasion: when Florida shifts to 90 degree and above weather in the summer, and when Florida drops into the 40s for a week of winter.

You know I almost failed a semester in college because I couldn’t make it out into the snow? I was a shut-in and gained about 25 pounds in three months, true story.

A certain  somebody pulled the empty gesture on me! I was genuinely in need of assistance, and he had texted me several times, let me know if there’s anything I can do, so when I asked him to bring me dinner, he said, I’m already home! Raincheck? Uh. How do you raincheck an illness?? I had ramen that night.

The next day, I slept until 5pm. But apparently, I was texting people in a subconscious state. So yeah, please dismiss anything you received from me during the day!

I had also made some notes in Inkpad while incapacitated. These are too good not to share:

Despite global social challenges, my top two aspirations are to become a Catholic priest and a Solid Gold dancer.

The movie Alive taught me I should always keep my survival skills current. And always have bread when traveling by plane. For when I have to resort to cannibalism, I’d like to have a sandwich.

I like my men like I like my dogs. Silent.

I am big in Norway!

Nothing more disturbing than nose dripping on perfectly roasted chicken.

Now to clean this tomb with a live dog running around it, then catch up on the news. What’s this about Chris Christie and the GW…?

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