Today I feel like shoving my thumbs into every face I meet. I can, and I will, apply pressure until an eyeball is resting in each palm, until each ocular cavity is crushed in by my fists. Then, and only then, will I feel human again.
If this activity seems rational and purposeful, we need to take a breather.
1) Time to get away from people. Take a day off from work. Get someone to watch the kids. Tell the spouse it can’t be about him or her today.
2) Choose an activity which doesn’t require batteries or an electrical outlet. We’re trying to release energy, not create more. I chose to color.
3) Turn off all electronic devices. Phone, remove the battery. Tablet, turn off and leave off charger. Notebook, switch off and pull battery. No TV. No gaming console. NO DISTRACTIONS.
4) Talk it out to get it out and use mouth words to do it. Yell if necessary as you fulfill your project. You’ll find this awkward activity actually enhances your artistry! Follow these panels to the finished product as an example:
*sigh* How to start? Uh, let’s ask a question. “What are you FEELING right now?”
“Ugh. RAGE. At the core of everything, anger.” Alright,make ANGER yellow and fill in yellow until you notice another feeling.
“But…there’s a want to make things right. Resolve things.” Let’s make RESOLVE pink and fill in as you think about resolve..
“It’s hard to find results when there’s so much crap to deal with! Current crap, past crap, and then, the uncertainty of future possible crap.” Make ANGST orange, color in orange. Geez. That’s a lot of orange!
“Right now, I feel dissatisfied, just in general. This new venture has been interesting but lonely. I don’t have partners anymore, and I can’t trust my art to those who are duplicitous in nature. I don’t trust yet.” Make DISSATISFACTION burnt sienna then.
Could it be your trust issues have to do with PRIDE? “I’m very prideful. I’ve struggled and succeeded where the average person refuses to go. I’ve earned titles and achievements despite constant doubt. If I’m not proud of me, who will be??” Green as PRIDE is fitting.
What do you desire which you lack? “I’ve been humbled by my health, my deteriorating range of motion. I’m feeling vulnerable. I’d like to feel protected, but I’ve yet to feel safe a day in my life.” Color my desire for PROTECTION in blue.
“But there is a silver lining! All of this is temporary. What everyone considers reality isn’t. Eventually everyone dies. Including me.” Embrace your mortality, then. SILVER LINING in silver, of course!
Getting quiet, getting alone, getting time allocated for yourself is revelatory. Making practice of these instances is healing. Making habits of these activities help make this miserable life a touch tolerable.
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