My Editor Made Me Do It!

Original Post Date February 28, 2013 at 12:54 AM

Handing over a manuscript to an editor is easy in theory, a metaphysical meltdown in practice. 

It wasn’t when I updated the file in Schrivener.  It wasn’t when I selected File > Compile and created a PDF document of the manuscript.  And not even when I uploaded the PDF to the Print Online page at fedex.com.  It was when the long ponytailed FedEx Kinko’s assistant slapped the 391 page spiral bound document on the counter at the 3rd Street location that it happened.

A minor panic attack.

I felt the vessels in my neck pulsate.  My heart began to race.

First draft.  Book One.

Trace and I will meet on Friday to hand over my soul.  This is what it feels like, anyways.  The most intimate interaction I’ve had in the past three years, now revealed.  The comfort of living esconsced in the throes of written word, occupied by nothing more than pen to paper, finger to keyboard, now disrupted.

This is personal.  This is me saying, not only do I have a story to tell, but a story worth sharing, a story that brings up questions, answers others, and reveals the depths I’m willing to submerge.  This is fantasy, yes.  These are fictitious characters.  But they were housed in me.  The handing over of that relationship to my editor feels like ending a relationship wtih someone you genuinely don’t want to see go.

And thus, the panic.  The anxiety.  My friends that lived in my head, danced across my notebooks, are going to live with Trace for a while.  She’s gonna treat them well, I know.  But will they remember me when they come back?  Oh, the uncertainty!

Uncertainty (U) + Fear (F) + Anxiety (X) = Angst (A).

And so there I will be until I get round one of edits returned in a few weeks.

Breathe into the belly, one…two…three…four.  Hold.  Acknowledge the space in between.  Exhale from the top down, one…two…three…four.

To add to angst is the establishment of a web presence.  Let’s explore the ontology of that for a moment.  There is presence, as in, existence of fleshy form acknowledged by other fleshy forms.  Then there’s web presence, as in, existence acknowledged in digital form, the being translated into 0s and 1s.

I pride myself in existing “off the grid” these last three years, but the wise Trace insists a web presence is vital to commercial success.  Not only must I share my playmates but I must be omnipresent to do so.

U + F + X = A

Breathe into the belly.  Hold.  Exhale from the top down.

This blog will be my main “web presence” portal; I’ll update this weekly.  Please connect with me on LinkedIn athttp://www.linkedin.com/pub/von-simeon/66/597/6b7 and @VonSimeon on Twitter.

Facebook page is a work-in-progress; I’ll let you know when it’s up and running.