Category Archives: Sports

Up To Something Good

ditavonteese

If it seems I’ve been neglecting this blog, I assure you it’s for a great reason! I gave myself until the 14th of this month to make necessary shit happen.  Still in the throes of it, and am eager to share what I’ve been up to once we achieve success. So if you have a tendency to think negative thoughts about me, I ask you, kindly, just for this week, to put out a bit of positive energy into the Universe for me. Trust, if all goes my way, you shall be thoroughly entertained!!

Wish me glück/chance/suerte/luck…

Busted My Cyclist Cherry

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Ain’t she purty? My new bicicleta!!

You should’ve saw me today! Road warrior, pedal master, burnin’ rubber like I’ve been doing it all my life.

It is really true, you don’t forget riding a bicycle.

Gift to myself, for selling ALL my inventory of paperbacks (and many thanks to you who purchased directly from me!) I invested in a beach cruiser. Low, wide seat, light aluminum frame, backpedal brakes. Easy ridin’. Not trying to be Lance Armstrong here.

It also makes sense. I work from my ArtHouse and if I need resources, they’re within a 4 mile radius. Plus, I actualized the bus stop’s mere feet from my door, so if I have a significant distance to travel, I grab the bike, load it on the bus, get to where I’m gettin’!

Luckily I’ve been running 3 miles on average for 8 weeks now, so my right knee and ankle were in great condition to handle the 8.4 mile trip I did today. We won’t know how sore I’ll be until tomorrow, but after showering, I do feel a little soreness in my hammies and my lower core. So another advantage: fitness! If my butt doesn’t already look great, oh mah gawd, it’s gonna be magnificent by the end of summer.  :)

I figure, if I can tolerate crossing the death road that is U.S. 19, riding in 93 degree F and 100% humidity, and getting dirt and water kicked up on me in traffic, I can turn this into a lifestyle. Watch, I’ll be joining a cycling team! Then the Tour de France. Then the revelation that my bloodstream is chock full of drugs!

Thinking about it? Here’s my recommendations:

  • If you’re a female, announce you’re a female – this strays into sexism, but hear an experienced person out. Back in the day, I used to ride my
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    ESSENTIALS: roomy backpack, polarized wraparound sunglasses, sturdy bike lock, and a fishing knife, because after all, this is Florida.

    motorcycle on solo trips, and I noticed a hint of pink made a difference between a Mustang running me off the road and a Mustang playing defense for me. I was lucky to find this shocking pink outdoor bag at Wallyworld for $19.

  • Helmet – No one enjoys brain splatter, not even the most seasoned of trauma specialists.
  • Activate GPS for bike routes – this was awesome today…I had reset Google Maps to bike routes, kept a bud in one ear, and listened as the chick routed me to the bike trails. In a car, you don’t know where they are.
  • Hydrate constantly – this pack I bought doesn’t have the “camelback”, the reservoir you keep on your back with a hose to sip through while riding. If you’re planning to do some serious travelling, especially in this heat, get you one, stat. I had my aluminium bottle and I refilled it upon every stop.
  • Cooler packs work in bike packs – I took the blue bricks I use for my food cooler and stuffed them along the spine of my bike pack to keep cool. Also helps if you have lower back pain; ices you down nicely.
  • Where your eyes go, the bike goes – Be a defensive rider, but keep in mind, the bike only moves if you’re moving. Eyes forward!

Germany Wins Group! (or) Why You Mad, Bro?

USA v Germany: Group G Showdown

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That face says, “Who did you think I was going for??” Ha ha

Don’t worry…I’ll throw on some red white n blue too…

vonsimeon.com gone GREEN!

As in ‘go’, as in ‘green light’…clean ups on every page. Especially check out my I Blew Up Juarez tab…did I answer your questions satisfactorily? Think I covered ‘what is the book about?’ and ‘where can I find it?’ as succinctly as possible. And please do Like the page, but only if you mean it ;)

If You’ve Got 5 Minutes, Could You Please Judge Me?

You know how you look at a thing too long you don’t know if you’re done? I’ve updated two of my Pages, “All About Von” and “Make Contact”.  Well if you could just dance through those, offer edits where necessary, so I can stop looking at this, I’d really appreciate it!

Going to walk away and shower while you do that. Maybe eat lunch. Yeah, lunch…

I Missed Ya, Baby!!

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So, while I was on WordPress hiatus, I:

    1. Skinned my knee falling off the wagon

    2. John Connor’ed my nephew

    3. Violated my personal code of conduct and accepted a date…WITH A COP.

    4. Received a growl from Bobby on his 5th born day

    5. Forced a 1st grader to do math (related to #4)

    6. Blew up eBay

    7. Made like Mowgli and returned to my “people”

    8. Decided to celebrate Christmas in July, Jack Kerouac style

    9. Mastered the Nooky and fell in love with Scrivener a la HER

    10. Went vegan for a vampire story!

Tell me via Comments which one you want me to elaborate on, and I’ll feature it in these week’s posts. For my new followers gained during the break, ♥THANK YOU♥ and enjoy these bears!

I ♥ Football

How Chicks Watch Football

Baylor *used* to have green and gold; what gives??

Baylor *used* to have green and gold; what gives??

That One Time I Played Football

Courtesy: Saratoga

Courtesy: Saratoga

Getting Warmed Up For World Cup

christiano

The Best of Von Simeon

My blog buddies, I’m offline-ing the first two weeks of June to address projects requiring strict concentration. Hanging out with you is so fun, yet it distracts me from getting work done…shocker…

But shed not a tear darlin’, I’m gonna schedule a compilation during my usual Sunday-Wednesday cycle to tide you over. Now enjoy this 2013 gallery of me in swimsuits. See you June 15th!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

In Search of the Ultimate Snog

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone Awkward Kiss on SNL

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone Awkward Kiss on SNL

SUMMER IS HERE!

Which means more skin, more outdoor activities, and more bad decisions!

Last summer I invested in online dating, validating my hypothesis that online or offline, crazy be crazy. This summer, I’m gonna save my money and do something simple…

I’m gonna pull random make-out sessions. Think of a drive-by shooting, but instead of filling you with bullets, I’m just gonna grab your face and fill it with my tongue!

Here’s why.

1) Ayn Rand said so, and The Ultimate Warrior backed it up. On Objectivism, my favorite wrestler defined (source OpenCulture): “In essence, a concept where man is a heroic being, and his life is an end in itself, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.” In quick, text-able interpretation: I’ma get mine. 

2) Time’s too short, baby. Guys have zero game, terrible conversation skills, and they wouldn’t recognize an open if a neon blinking arrow was hanging over my head.

2) It’s the closest they’ll get to live porn. American males acquired their sexual “technique” from watching hours upon hours of porn, so they expect a woman to put her mouth on his body part within 8 seconds of meeting. Holding a pizza pie would be a bonus.

 

“The Random” does present its challenges. These are the ones I’m wary of:

 

1) Smokers. Everybody smokes. EVERY. BODY. SMOKES. And not good tobacco…CIGARETTES. Have you ever kissed a person who smokes cigarettes? It’s like licking the bottom of your mom’s kitchen garbage pail she’s been using to throw away YOUR diapers. Blech! So if I see a guy I wanna Random, I gotta check for box-shaped bulges on his person, as well as how frequently he steps outside the venue.

2) Girlfriends/Wives. There is an innocent way to pull a Random on a married or committed guy; make out with the chick immediately afterward! Then they’ll both be alright with it. Unless the G/W is a Smoker, then it’s a sacrifice for the payload. But then you gotta consider…

3) Insecure Girlfriends/Wives. Is she a human blood pressure cuff, darting evil eyes at every passing uterus? Is she constantly reading over his shoulder or trying to take away his phone? Is she pounding down the brown liquors? These situations make for primo Random targets, especially if he’s sexy and visibly annoyed with her. If all relays signal a go, then the moment she takes off to the restroom, I enact OPP, just like Naughty By Nature taught me.

 

There’s special considerations, but they require closer proximity, thereby cancelling the drive-by effect of The Random:

 

handy

How I narrow down prospects…

1) Lip Condition. My first beyond-eww-groadie-and-now-liking-the boys kiss was terrible. His full, rosy lips were chapped along the bottom, and although he was measured and passionate in delivery, all I could feel was my face being sanded down to a pale sheen. Since then, I’m very aware of a man’s mouth. First his dickprint, then his mouth.

2) Height-distance ratio. The key to a successful Random is to be able to run up, get my arms around his neck, and pull him close in one clean move, increasingly difficult if he clears a full foot or beyond.  Failure to be smooth means he is calling the police and charging me with assault. So be courteous if you’re 5′ 11″ and over and position yourself near a chair, or even better, a set of stairs.

 

NOW LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

 

 

 

 

 

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