Category Archives: Shit I Agree With

[POEM] Tithi for the Demigod Freddie Mercury

Courtesy: FreddieMercury.com

Courtesy: FreddieMercury.com

[NOTE: HAPPY FREDDIE MERCURY DAY! En homage to my demigod, here's an updated draft of a poem I wrote in self-loathing three years ago. :) Remember, if you share, CITE!]

Freddie Mercury, if you’re listening
I speak to you shrouded under palm and cypress
sticky-skinned from tropical torrential rain
Silent.
In repose, reflecting on recent regrets
wondering…do I want to live forever?
Hard rain sounds a snap snap snap against the window
metering my manic thoughts,
my Moet and Chandon, not in its pretty cabinet, but rather, bottle empty in my weakened clutch,
whilst wailing under tears, “Can anybody find me somebody to love?!”

Oh Freddie.
Am I home Freddie?
Does the fat bottomed girl deserve another turn in the buccaneer bay?
I just want to ride my bicycle
but my soul wants to burn up the sky
like she’s Mr. Fahrenheit
Oh Freddie Mercury…
how do I make a supersonic woman outta me?
Original Composition 9.3.11
Property of VS Enterprises

Weekend Plans: On Girlfriend Duty

So this is happening to me on Saturday:

Courtesy: GoUSFBulls.com

My Brand New Boyfriend is a loyal Bulls fan, a season ticket holder, and is BIG on tailgating. I get a sense of, either I get into his conference this year, or I’m just not gonna see the guy! I’m gonna be a good sport; I even bought a fitted tee with USF across the chest. After all, I gotta out-girlfriend the other girlfriends!! ;)

Meanwhile….tonight is Texas A&M v South Carolina! The SEC… the conference of CHAMPIONS! 

This Might Be My Next Tattoo

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Let’s Get Explicit

You music lovers need to be following Mik Mob’s Music Mass! Sometimes I get lucky enough to catch the ‘fresh’ posts and listen to some DIAMONDS like DJ Assault!!

‘Ass-N-Titties’…WOW…that’s taking it back to the house parties! If you weren’t spinnin’ Ass-N-Titties at your party, well…you never *really* had a house party. ;)

May I also please encourage you to follow with, ‘Dick By The Pound’…

Electroluv – Peaches – Fuck the Pain Away.

I Forgot How Trains Work

 Somewhere in Oklahoma…

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How dare you, Union Pacific, block off the ONLY road to the neighborhood I need to get to!! Alright, fine, roll on through…

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…keep it moving…

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…geeeeeeeeeez how long is this train? Hurry up slowpoke…

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…wait, WHAT? Why are you stopping? Here?? IN FRONT OF ME???

(several torporific minutes pass)

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BACKWARDS?!?! You just went– you were going — GAWDDAMMITSUMBITCCCCHHHH! 

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I HATE THIS PLACE!!! 

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Pinche tren.

 

UGH.

It’s Not Official Until It’s On Facebook

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Score One For Humanity

walmartI sent this e-letter to Walmart Corporate Relations last week; I heard from the company the VERY next day…

 

Imagine what it feels like to be driving, alone, after midnight in unfamiliar territory, when suddenly your GPS navigation system gives out, and the lamps inside your truck stop working. This happened to me during the wee hours of Thursday, July 24 just a few weeks ago.
The Girl Scout in me knew she needed a map, but she also knew we didn’t own one. All I knew was that I was in Georgia, alone, directionally blind in the middle of the night.
A familiar beacon, a striation of sunny yellow beams extending from a blue background and the words, “Wal-Mart.”
If ever a woman could get completely exasperated from excitement merely by reading a lit sign, it would be in the way I reacted.
Pulled in to Store #5797 and noticed first how bright and clean it was for stock hours. The design of this store is different from what I have back home, so I must’ve looked very turned around when a lovely associate stopped shelving and asked if I needed help. I asked for an atlas, and so he came up to Maranda, who, mind you, had recently lost her voice, eagerly directed me towards the atlas I own now.
Not content to leave me looking at the atlas, Maranda asked me where I was headed, and, still nervewrecked I responded, “I don’t even know where I am!”
With the sweetest delivery, she pronounced, “You’re in Albany, Georgia,” to which I sighed relief. At least I was still heading the correct direction.
Maranda called over KT, who used to frequently travel to Memphis and Little Rock. As my stop was Memphis, he showed me on the atlas which roads to take, as well as how much time it should take me to get there. Relieved, grateful, confident on my path, I bid them farewell and told them I’d write a letter to express my sincere gratitude. Of course, they said it wasn’t necessary.
Obviously, I was compelled to share my story. I appreciate Maranda and KT going the extra mile to help me find the product I needed and get me safely on the road. My navigation system eventually resolved itself, but it’s good to know this cherished atlas is in my truck with me.
Still on the road; might visit Store #5797 for snacks!
Please freely use my expression of gratitude, as long as KT and Maranda are mentioned.
With greatest appreciation,
Von Simeon

Author, I Blew Up Juarez
vonsimeon.com

Wherever I May Roam

 

 

Yes folks, this is happening. I’m hittin’ the road starting this week!

Where to Von? I honestly don’t know. I’ve got gas, I’ve got maps, I’ve got information and communication technologies, and I have a badge-wearing wingman to help drive and navigate.

Why are you doing this Von? Life-wise, I need some sparkly fresh brand new so I can feel the wow again. Creatively speaking, my writing is uninspired largely because I’ve deprived myself of Befindlichkeit, which is a big pretty German word for self-discovery. Discovery is tangible – what you experience with your senses within current time/space – but self-discovery requires a more metaphysical…event, let’s put it. I’m gonna position myself in physical places I’ve never been before, connect cosmically with what or whoever has a cosmic charge, and throw myself into uncertainty, allowing reactions to happen in whichever plane of existence that happens.

And no, I am not using any drug, natural or manufactured, in order to encourage these events forward. Clean and sober and open-minded. That’s how this is going down!

I will regularly post to this blog, at least to let you know I haven’t been slaughtered. Since I’ll be working off of WordPress for Android, my posts might be more Instagrammy than verbose; I’m sure you’ll understand. :)

I will tell you I’m not doing the Atlantic seaboard or New England; I’ve done that drive four times in the past ten years. Something fresh and new means in the guts of Merica! Maybe even up to oohhhhh Caaaannaaaddaaaahhhhhhh

This is Von Simeon, signing off, and leaving you with a sweet song to remember me by…

 

Smile Today

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Germany Wins Group! (or) Why You Mad, Bro?

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