Category Archives: Philosophy
A handsome fellow, even in his late years. Either it was his age or an injury that kept him from standing straight, yet, he managed to get from his program seat quickly to the venue hallway where I stood. His eyes are bright and excitable, typical gaze of someone needing to share. I’ve learned in my public affairs years to allow the man his audience; at this age, if he doesn’t get it out, he may never have the chance.
“I knew it was the first Brian!” he offered, “I had a sense the moment you started.”
Thank you, my standard reception.
“Well done, good story.”
Thank you, my standard response.
“I’ve got a whole bunch of metal in my back from Vietnam.”
My heart swells with the distinct affection I have for the wounded warrior.
A watchful shadow angles in over my shoulder, reminding me of other affairs.
“You and I could speak on that for hours,” I share, “but I won’t keep you. Thank you, I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”
My standard sign off.
My escort leads me down the hall, out the doors, to my truck. On the pathway, I can exhale again.
The presentation at the Florida Bibliophile Society is my last for 2014. Fall season has arrived, and my mind is shifting from sunbathing to studying, I suppose the academic calendar is now permanently stitched into my subconscious. Fall means, hunker down, collect data, commence writing because Spring means organize and validate data, present a completed, legible work by end of Spring.
This year I managed to publish one of the fifteen novels I have written since retiring December 2011. I experienced the roller coaster ride that is production and publication, with that 4G twisty of getting screwed by business partners, but in the end I have decided it’s a ride worth experiencing again. Baby is in the book biz, and Baby is gonna deliver!
This fall I’m going to prepare the continuing saga from I Blew Up Juarez, a collaborative effort between selected fans and the self, and if this business model works, I believe I could deliver a solid series within the next two years. A horror anthology featuring one of my short stories is due for release soon, I’ll update in a separate post with those details once I secure them. A political science dystopia I’ve been chomping at the bit to produce will come out of hiding. I desire to release this during the 2016 Election Season.
I’m also putting the brakes on this blog for a bit. I want to adjust it to distinguish short stories, stranger-than-fiction, and writing prompts from each other, plus add a gallery of favorite photos by season. So there will be takedowns and ups and request for reviews here and there; any feedback you have, hell, even the douchebag feedback you love to leave, feel free. It only enhances the blog experience!
Finally, I’ve recently discovered my aunt is dying. She’s the eldest on my mother’s side, and so, I’m going to spend time with my family in the coming weeks. My plan is to delve further into my origin story, and who but the elders of the clan would know them best? I, ever the skilled scribe, plan to document every story, so I might make room here to journal my progress. Expect a bunch of photos from the Pacific Ocean; I might pull a Where In The World Is Von Simeon? on you guys!
Only one life left. Making the most of it. :)
[NOTE: I joined a new writer's group! This group differs from the old one, in that these writers are eclectic in personality, diverse in style, and disciplined to work, which is what I prefer in a group setting. Our first meeting was fun. Here's one of the 12 minute writing prompts we did; enjoy!]
Concept: A meteor is about to strike our planet, decimation of our known civilization is certain! React to the news…
My fellow Americans, Armageddon is upon us. I will not speak to you as your President, but as your neighbor. I too am terrified, of what shall become of our homes, of the natural life, and of the art we cherish. And since I have the world’s attention right now for the next 11 minutes, I’d like to go ahead and share a few things. First, I need to apologize to Ms. Jackson. It was me, not Henry, who pushed Melissa off the monkey bars. I watched as Henry got swatted over and over, tears streaming down his red face, eyes of disbelief pleading to me to tell the truth. It has haunted me this entire life and I’m glad to relieve myself. Next…I confess…I looked down Sara’s shirt in Shop class all period long. She never caught me doing it, but I know I was a total sleezeball.
Alright, let’s forget the grade school stuff. This war currently in the Middle East? Well, it’s ongiong because I lost my shirt at the White House poker table! Yup, it was me, Dubya, Dicky Cheney, Donnie Rumsfeld, Metta World Peace, and Rhianna. Me against Donnie, chips high, and I lose, two sevens to his three 9s. I thought I had a good bluff, America! So yeah, you parents of soldiers battling out and losing lives over senseless interference? That’s all because of double 7s. Whew! This is therapeutic.
Okay, another one. Me, Putin and Cameron had an ultimate three way at Yves St Laurent’s former terrazzo in Marrakesh. We called it a ‘peace summit’ but really, it was all about gettin’ a piece of SOME ASS! Also, I tried LSD and I like it. I should’ve pushed for an increase in research funding because frankly, if we were all stoned right now, I think we’d be taking the end of the earth way way better.
In closing, I’m gonna roll a spliff and cheef in the Oval Office, because I’m the Chief of State, and the state I’m in merits cheefing. HA HA! This is why they got a guy to write my shit, oops, STUFF, oh hell, who the fuck cares about decorum! I’m gonna take off my clothes now…EVERYONE GET NAKED AND START FUCKING!!
President, out! <drops pen like a mic>
Original composition 9.7.14
[NOTE: I am a retired information technology specialist. This rant is long overdue.]
This week’s biggest culture shock was The Fappening, and I’m not going to bother to route you to the specifics of the story. Just, once again, nudies have been made public via the zeroes and ones. It’s really nice to know that all the progress we’ve made in information and communication technologies have led us to a social state of constantly taking pictures of our junk and feeling the world needs to know about it.
I’ve done it. Shot a few pics of my fun box. Not in the, ‘ooh this is sexy’ sense, but more in the paranoid, ‘does this mean I have herpes??’ sense (and no, friends, I don’t.) I’ve also done it to confirm, albeit in pure disbelief, that not one, but TWO white hairs have occupied fun box region, which is why I go smooth now.
I present this to say, I’ve utilized the technology to resolve an issue in a real-time moment, but I’ve never thought, ‘hey, I need to send So-N-So this.’ So why is it so commonplace for people to share these kinds of pics, and then be completely disgusted that they’ve made their way to websites. Really?? The issue is the violation? No, fucktard, the issue is you’re so self-absorbed you felt the need to hit SEND to a very unreliable person. That, or you’re just fuckin’ lazy. You want someone to be impressed with your naked body? Get up, go over to their place and show it to ‘em, Bible-style.
And don’t forget, ya’ll…there’s the good ol’ NSA. The Metadatabaters can bypass any wails of violation you may throw at them. No one’s on your side, baby, so stop bitching.
Don’t want it out there? Don’t hit SEND.
That rant being over, lemme go ahead and reiterate the title: what makes a girl fap-able? In studying my site traffic and analytics, I have found that, during the early morning hours in America, a certain pic of me tends to show up in search engine results. The specifics are defined as “encrypted search results.” Well, doing some further digging, the popular search engine term for that particular pic is “hot wifey”. How the hell does that lead you fappers to ME?!?
Now here’s the debacle…a talented artist like myself, an amateur photographer, who happens to be a woman, likes to post pictures of herself in action quite regularly (and deftly I feel) right here on vonsimeon.com. The intent of the site is to celebrate my -ness; my creativeness, my wildness, my antipatheticness. However, during the early morning hours in Brazil, a certain pic of me tends to get hits. Same in Belgium. Same in South Africa. Not the same picture, mind you, which I guess would be a compliment if I was trying to solicit compliments from night fappers! But still…this site wasn’t designed for you to jack off to. I’m contemplating adding a warning message to my main header: There Be No Fapping Here.
It is the zeroes and ones, and if I upload then hit Publish, the probability of being fapped to increases as I continue to provide photos in my blog posts. I want the attention to my artistry, not my genitals, but, I suppose I have no choice but to sigh and quote The Stiffler:
“Whack away, Jim. Whack away.”