Category Archives: Humor

Mountain Livin’

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New River, North Carolina

This Is 38.

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Birthday Cake Milkshake, Steak N Shake, St Pete Florida

No Fear. No Doubt. Lose Control.

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Hair like wool, eyes like fire, feet like burnished bronze…

You can’t go by the Gregorian calendar in Florida. If you want to know what season it is, you gotta look at women’s boobs. If, as a collective, you notice more instances of “boob sweat”– that moist oval running under the meat staining through shirts – it is summer.

Into summer, I’ve gotta do something about all this hair! Ohh, how cute, a dark-hued person and a light-hued person mated and made a cappuccino cutie! Yeah?, well, these cappuccino cuties grow up with really fucked up hair!!!

No, no, it’s not that bad. Genes are a helluva thing, though. My indigenous heritage wants to grow thick and long. My African heritage wants short and coarse. The result? We’re trying to find out!

Now that we’re past shoulder length, my hair has to be sectioned off even further. Two braids split from the middle makes me look like a Klingon, so I have to tamp down the center just to get all the hair to lie flat against my scalp! Let loose, my hair resembles a lion’s mane, and even then, I have to hide two thick braided cords in the center to keep the mane sane.

1st - flat braid from part to behind ear 2nd - flat braid base from one ear to another. Tuck 1 into 2 to fuse. 3rd and 4th - two French braids, one tendril tucked into the unfinished 4th. My fail, shoulder was hurting, so couldn't tightly keep yoke in place. Definitely need a spotter!

Bavarian Yoke: 1st – flat braid from part to behind ear
2nd – flat braid base from one ear to another. Tuck 1 into 2 to fuse.
3rd and 4th – two French braids, one tendril tucked into the unfinished 4th. My fail, shoulder was hurting, so couldn’t tightly keep yoke in place. Definitely need a spotter!

Yet I’m a zealot for meeting challenges. I said last year I’ll keep it growing, since I’ve never had long hair unless added in, so I will. Let’s see if this summer’s constant braiding will get my tendrils towards the end of my spine.

Reflections

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Come On You Rowdies! Home Opener

I’m no good at being a fangirl. That rabid memorization of metadata – team rosters, stats, trades, rankings – I don’t do well. What I do well is wear whatever jersey you feel I need to wear to bed, as a pseudo-sexual show of appreciation for <insert favorite sports team here>, but otherwise, could care less of the name across the breasticles, as long as the fabric stretches.

My reason for enjoying football is because it reminds me of my childhood. Growing up in the southern region of Germany within minutes of major cities, you couldn’t avoid getting caught up in the hype, the esprit de guerre, the fierce loyalty to team (and country once the World Cup came around). In my region, our team was Bayern Munich. As a teenaged girl, I cheered on their gorgeous, sculpted bodies. Tor! Tor! Tor!

Now I’m attempting a dedication to the Tampa Bay Rowdies! My friend Guy Delaney with the Rowdies got me great seats for last week’s opener, along with a magnetic decal for my truck and two t-shirts to look the part. I faux-hawked my hair, painted bright green and gold on my eyes, then whooped it up at Al Lang Stadium while cheering on gorgeous, sculpted bodies, er, I mean, a dedicated team of professional athletes who proudly call Tampa Bay home!

Cheering on the home team

Seriously, though…I love football!

National Poetry Month 2015! Erotic Poetry

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Credit: Houston Press

Every Friday this April, I am going to feature an original work here for your reading pleasure. Throw rotted fruit, sing praises, lemme know you just don’t get it, but do, please, have an experience. If you borrow the work, be polite and cite!

This is a work-in-progress poem. Dog-eared for publication, but it’s only the second revision. It’s very intimate. Passionate. Worshipful. The reader submits instantaneously.

As a former obese woman, fried dough is my enemy! But there is something rather sexy about the forbidden, que no? Once a month I allow myself an indulgence. And when I do…

Copyright VS Enterprises

National Poetry Month 2015! Interactive Poetry

Every Friday this April, I am going to feature an original work here for your reading pleasure. Throw rotted fruit, sing praises, lemme know you just don’t get it, but do, please, have an experience. If you borrow the work, be polite and cite!

Today’s National Poetry Month contribution is the full poem featured during January’s Fantastic Ekphrastic! This is a performance piece – a poem intended to be spoken and performed as opposed to reading across a page. I do this format to emphasize the passion of the piece. Weird? Good! I’m purposely taking you out of your comfort zone. :D

1) You must first listen to this song. The beat sets the tempo of the poem; if you just start reading, it’s gonna be confusing! So, about the 30 second mark, you should feel yourself “lifting”…

2) Once lifted, you can start reading the poem to the beat OR

Listen to the beat in entirety, then go in on the poem. I’ve purposely made it legible in five minutes to compliment the track.

3) Following the beat of the song, you’ll be able to discern three different vignettes which cumulatively is ArcAngel. Ready?

GO! [Remember, DeOrro’s Five Hours first…]

© 2015 VS Enterprises

Dilated

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That time of year again…eye exam! Look into my soulless eyes…

I Made My Book A Soundtrack

My buddy The Vibe Muse put me on to my new obsession, SoundCloud! What..? I can make playlists out of any theme I come up with in my head space? AWESOME!

But really, what a handy vision-free tool. I’m a writer of sounds, which is why I like writing action stories, because I get to use furious, loud words, and I use all kinds of music to influence plot tempo. As such, every novel I’ve composed in the last five years, within margins and notes, includes the makings of a soundtrack.

So here’s my first extraction! I give you, loves of my life, I Blew Up Juarez: The Playlist

An entire novel in under 58 minutes. Enjoy!

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