Category Archives: Cosmology

All Packed! ETA 4AM CST

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Where I’m headed, the Shady Brady is necessary… ;)

Wherever I May Roam

 

 

Yes folks, this is happening. I’m hittin’ the road starting this week!

Where to Von? I honestly don’t know. I’ve got gas, I’ve got maps, I’ve got information and communication technologies, and I have a badge-wearing wingman to help drive and navigate.

Why are you doing this Von? Life-wise, I need some sparkly fresh brand new so I can feel the wow again. Creatively speaking, my writing is uninspired largely because I’ve deprived myself of Befindlichkeit, which is a big pretty German word for self-discovery. Discovery is tangible – what you experience with your senses within current time/space – but self-discovery requires a more metaphysical…event, let’s put it. I’m gonna position myself in physical places I’ve never been before, connect cosmically with what or whoever has a cosmic charge, and throw myself into uncertainty, allowing reactions to happen in whichever plane of existence that happens.

And no, I am not using any drug, natural or manufactured, in order to encourage these events forward. Clean and sober and open-minded. That’s how this is going down!

I will regularly post to this blog, at least to let you know I haven’t been slaughtered. Since I’ll be working off of WordPress for Android, my posts might be more Instagrammy than verbose; I’m sure you’ll understand. :)

I will tell you I’m not doing the Atlantic seaboard or New England; I’ve done that drive four times in the past ten years. Something fresh and new means in the guts of Merica! Maybe even up to oohhhhh Caaaannaaaddaaaahhhhhhh

This is Von Simeon, signing off, and leaving you with a sweet song to remember me by…

 

Less Than SIX Hours Left, America!

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Smile Today

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Up To Something Good

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If it seems I’ve been neglecting this blog, I assure you it’s for a great reason! I gave myself until the 14th of this month to make necessary shit happen.  Still in the throes of it, and am eager to share what I’ve been up to once we achieve success. So if you have a tendency to think negative thoughts about me, I ask you, kindly, just for this week, to put out a bit of positive energy into the Universe for me. Trust, if all goes my way, you shall be thoroughly entertained!!

Wish me glück/chance/suerte/luck…

And Now, We Do It…MY WAY

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Hands steepled, staring intently towards the wall, I too, assumed the form of our beloved high functioning sociopath as I mulled over what went wrong.

Wrong, wrong, did it go wrong? Is it wrong? What’s wrong? Could it be not wrong? Nothing wrong? What’s wrong? Is it wrong? Did it go wrong? Wrong!

You get it. It’s ART. Like an Escher tessellation, stare at it too long and you’ll see something different entirely. And when it’s completed art, you definitely cannot revisit it. It’s out there. It’s DONE. To analyze after the fact is bad juu juu.

But what if it’s wrong?

Here’s what I decided to do…

Book’s been out officially since 4 April, that makes 80 days as of this post date. Technically, I’m coming premature on my decision, but, (this the part where I release the steeple to point the definitive index finger) fuck it, it’s my book.

What had happened was, ([CHORUS]: And then, riiight!) I went through a publisher to release I Blew Up Juarez. In the T minus 1 hour of wrapping up production, right at the all-systems-go point, she decides not to associate with this work. Demonstrating complete lack of professionalism, she wanted her company logo emblazoned across the cover artwork, and I said no, so she got butthurt and pulled out. Infuriating, considering I compromised artistic license, time, and patience to meet the publisher’s needs.

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This sentence represents fifteen omitted chapters!

Since it’s release, my astute readers are pointing out the wide, gaping hole in the lemniscate-like track that is this fast paced story, a true sin in the literary world: you do NOT introduce a character without validating his/her purpose. This is Composition 1000, and I’m looking terrible! The fifteen chapters omitted during production were initially agreed to be more for Book 3 than this book, that’s why they were out, but she should’ve caught the dangling character.

WRONG!

Technically it’s the publisher’s fault but since now I am the publisher, well, I’m making an executive decision.

…I shall publish an epilogue to I Blew Up Juarez for release this holiday season. With my impeccable discipline and (hopefully) people leaving me the fuck alone while I work, the fifteen chapters that were omitted in the story will be provided in full splendor, and, with deft styling, will bridge Book 2 to Book 3 handsomely.

*SIGH* Now that feels right.

 

And here’s the gift that keeps on giving: all of you who have purchased a copy of I Blew Up Juarez  from me since its release to today (Eastern Standard Time, don’t get cheeky) will get [WT]The Epilogue FOR FREE! Why? Because you fuckin’ rock.

And now we DANCE!

 

 

 

 

 

vonsimeon.com gone GREEN!

As in ‘go’, as in ‘green light’…clean ups on every page. Especially check out my I Blew Up Juarez tab…did I answer your questions satisfactorily? Think I covered ‘what is the book about?’ and ‘where can I find it?’ as succinctly as possible. And please do Like the page, but only if you mean it ;)

If You’ve Got 5 Minutes, Could You Please Judge Me?

You know how you look at a thing too long you don’t know if you’re done? I’ve updated two of my Pages, “All About Von” and “Make Contact”.  Well if you could just dance through those, offer edits where necessary, so I can stop looking at this, I’d really appreciate it!

Going to walk away and shower while you do that. Maybe eat lunch. Yeah, lunch…

My Book Is Available At Your Barnes & Noble Bookstore – GET IT!

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1. USD $1.99

2. GBP £1.17

3. EUR €1.47

 

1. Humour » American Humour – Peoples & Cultures

2. Fiction » Action & Adventure

3. Social Science » Popular Culture

4. Science » Astrophysics & Space Science

5. Fiction » Science Fiction » Military

 

Purchase my book and I live another day…how charitable is that??

SUPPORT FIRST TIME PUBLISHERS! IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, BURN IT, IT’LL BE A TRIBUTE! :D

Stranger Than Fiction

[NOTE: Every one of these shorts is inspired by actual events, but are all fiction works.]

You Don’t Have AIDS

 washateria

Bill The Self-Congratulating (Non) Dom

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That New Schlong Feel

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